What’s in a name? Thoughts on name changing for young professional women
There’s a famous question made popular by William Shakespeare, “What’s in a name?” As a young professional woman whose wedding date is approaching, I have been thinking a lot about names. “Should I change my last name” is a question that many young professional women ask themselves.
Personal Background
I’m getting married this New Year’s Eve. For nearly 28 years, I have been known as “Jennifer Robinson.” This is my identity. On a personal note, my father died when I was very young, so I am the last person in my family with the last name Robinson. I’ve been working for my employer since 2005. Many people know me as Jennifer Robinson. I’m also a little torn because I want to be respectful of my future husband and having his last name is a great tribute to the commitment of our marriage. He works in the TV business, so he is used to the idea of women using their maiden name professionally, while legally changing it to their new last names.
Women have many choices on what to be called after they are married:
- Take your husband’s name! Taking the name of your husband is the most common marriage tradition. Many couples feel that adopting your husband’s name is respectful and traditional. However, many modern women don’t feel comfortable with this because they feel like this practice is outdated and they are not the “property” of their husbands. Some people, like me, feel that marriage is a mutual commitment and each partner is equal.
Because I am in a rotational leadership program, I am hesitant to do this because I have a pretty broad network. Will people be able to find me in our company directory if they don’t know my new last name? I spoke to a few of my recently wedded co-workers and they say people have not had problems getting in touch with them.
There’s also a stereotype that married women are more mature. Will changing my last name give me more implied credibility? Perhaps…
- Don’t change your name! It’s 2008, not all women are changing their names. Some women prefer to keep their names. When choosing this option, some women may want to consider the impact this could have on their children (and how their husbands will feel about this). Do you want your children to have your last name, their father’s last name or perhaps a combination of both?
- Keep your old name professionally, change it socially and/or legally! If you are having trouble committing to one or the other, using your current name professionally, while legally changing it could be the option for you. Personally, I am leaning towards this option. My future husband is completely okay with this. Will it confuse other people though? This means at work I would be “Jennifer Robinson” but legally I would be “Jennifer [new last name].”
- Use a hybrid approach! A hybrid marriage approach means combining your name with your new partner’s. For example, right now, my full name is “Jennifer Kelly Robinson.” I could change my middle name, which I’m not particularly attached to, to Robinson and become “Jennifer Robinson [new last name].” Of course, there’s also “Jennifer Kelly Robinson [new last name].” That’s a mouthful!
The hybrid approach helps both parties maintain their identities.
- Use a hyphen approach! The hyphen approach is pretty common these days. It’s very similar to the hybrid approach but uses a hyphen. Sometimes, hyphenated names can seem pretentious.
- Ask him to change his name! This is not quite a trend but some men do change their last names to their wives. I think it’s sweet, and perhaps selfless, for a husband to consider taking his wife’s name.
Choose what is right for you!
There is no one right way or wrong way to handle your name change. Think about what you prefer and talk about it with your partner!
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The changing it legally but keeping yours professionally also appeals to me. I’m not sure I would change my name at all, but I would be concerned that once I have kids people will see the different name & assume I’m single or divorced, or that it will cause issues with legal rights stuff. My name has a nice ring to it. It would take a lot for me to give it up for the sake of tradition!
Two friends of mine who married recently took a novel approach to this situation. Neither of them liked his last name (Smith) and her last name (Ryan) was the same as his first name, so they looked through their family trees and settled on a new name they both liked, in this case from her maternal grandmother. They are now happily the Van Burens.
First — congratulations!!
As for the name change, I got married a little over a year ago…and I didn’t want to change it because my maiden name was what my byline had been for years.
I hyphenated for a week — but it’s a mouthful for sure. And I just kept thinking that my personal life and marriage is more important to me than my career (otherwise I shouldn’t be getting married, right? hehe). I want the same last name as my kids — and you can’t really separate your personal life from your professional life so that would really confuse people (for me anyway.)
It helped because we moved out of state a week after we got married. So we were the newlyweds and everyone just knew me as married. And since I started at a new paper with a new byline, I didn’t think about it.
It is super hard to get used to though!! I still think “is that me they are calling” when I hear my new last name!
Thanks for the feedback, so far Ladies! It helps to know I’m not alone in trying to figure out what to be called once I’m married.
I hope this post helps other young professional women that need help figuring out what to do!
Keep the comments coming!
Personally I am excited to change my last name. Itis Hill which is boring and so not fun to doodle. I don’t even have a boyfriend so I wont be changing it anytime soon, but i know my brother and parents will still have it so I will still be going to “Hill Holiday” (christmas, easter, thanksgiving, etc) even when I am married with a different last name.
As for worries in finding you professionally if you change your name – have an auto reply on emails, leave a message on your voicemail, etc. It wont take long for people to change your contact info. If you work in a big company maybe you could be listed with both your currentand previous last name?
I have been married since July. Up until school started a month ago I would freak out my new wife by calling her Mrs. Alsup (she has a been a teacher for a few years and everyone knew her as Ms. Maiden Name)! man she hated that! oh well, she has moved on and slowly all the students will know her as Mrs. Alsup.
Hi Jennifer, This certainly can be a difficult decision. For me, though, it really wasn’t difficult. I kept my last name because, well, it’s my last name and I never had any intention of changing it. My husband is 100% fine with it. He’s occasionally called Mr. Marino, which can be kind of funny… for me.
And, yes, my kids will have a different last name. To me, this is a non-issue. It’s funny that we would expect our daughters to change their name eventually anyway but when they’re young, we feel we have to match their names.
Honestly, I would like to see more women keep their last name, but I completely understand that this a personal decision, and I agree you have to do what’s right for you and your partner.
Another consideration is changing your user names online. I just went through the process. For a review, see http://prpost.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/which-social-media-sites-made-the-grade-for-easy-name-changes/
I am a young (26) female professional who was married in January. Due to previous positions I’ve held, I decided that if I met someone and they Googled me with the new name, they wouldn’t find anything. Regrettably, that is a big part of how networking works in my industry (media in LA). So, professionally, I still use my maiden name. Legally and with family, I took my husband’s name.
It has worked out pretty well thus far. The best part is that if you keep the maiden name on your driver’s license along with your married name, you don’t have to be as aggressive about changing all of your bills, documents, etc. For instance, airline frequent flier programs are nightmarish about trying to change your name. So, I stick with my old name and buy tickets under my old name. I’ve not had problems.
Jennifer – I married last year, and I lost my father just weeks after my wedding. He was terminally ill, so I knew he was going to pass and I also knew I was going to change my name. It was an incredibly difficult choice – especially hearing my father call me Mrs. Thomas the first time.
I decided to hyphenate my middle name and adopt my husband’s last name, and I am happy with the result. I get to keep my father’s name and I get to take my husband’s name which was important to me as well. I found this was the best solution for me, and I hope you are happy with whatever choice you make – there is no wrong answer.
I got married a little over a year ago and faced the same conundrum. I was always Jen Newman, Jenny Newman; it was one word the way some people pronounced it. I lived in relative anonymity on the web, because if you go ahead and Google “Jen Newman” millions of hits come up, it couldn’t be a more common name. Now go ahead and Google “Jen Rutsky”, those 4 hits are me. I was very partial to keep Newman. My sister and I are the last with the name and I didn’t want to see it die. However, my husband felt very strongly that it would be an affront to him and his family if I didn’t take his name. I also did want my kids to have the same last name as me, so I changed it. Was it an easy and fun process? Not at all, I still have one credit card that just seems impossible to change but it made him happy. Moreover, that’s what marriage is about, compromise, and respecting one another’s opinions and feelings.
A few pointers I’ll leave you with:
1. When I got married, even though I legally changed my name to Jen Rutsky, I had my company’s IT group leave me in the directories and email distribution lists as Jen Newman Rutsky so people could still find me. Your IT group may be willing to do the same.
2. On facebook, linkedin, etc. I am listed as Jen Newman Rutsky too, so old friends and colleagues can still find me.
3. On my resume I have Jennifer Rutsky (nee Newman) so for background checks, references, etc. it makes life easier.
4. I changed jobs 8 months after I got married (as I imagine you will one day too). At my new job, I am only known as Jen Rutsky and it’s been a very easy clean transition.
Why would anyone want to get married?
I got married last Friday at 50-he is my first husband and the love of my life. My question is how do I keep my credit standing as personal and then as husband and wife with a name change? Is this possible? We both have excellent credit(high 700’s to mid 800’s). He is 53 and this is also his first marriage.