Workplace Relationships: How do you choose your friends at work?
A while back we discussed the hardship of losing friends you make in the workplace. Now it is time to have a conversation on who we choose to make friends with. There are several different types of people in the workplace and it would be an understatement to say you should be careful who your friends are.
I’m not discussing friends in superficial networking contacts kind of way. But more the go to have drinks outside work, bounce big ideas off of type, or the friends you always have lunch with or see as a mentor. We’ve all had them. They are the people we met at training where you shared a pitcher of beer and a long conversation. The relationship made it out of training and continues even if they leave your company. I.e. they are more than just mere co-workers.
However, the friends you choose go beyond your immediate gratification and happiness. They are a reflection of you. Choose bad friends and you’ll come off as a poor judge of character. Stick up for a flawed friend and you can end up in the same ditch with your friend having to defend yourself. Find a good friend and down the road you may have a business partner or safety net when things change.
I break workplace personalities into five categories, a combination of these categories can make any friend you desire. The key is to find what you value in a friend and choose a friend that exhibits those characteristics the most. Also I ran through some of the pros/cons of the different characters.
The Partier - This person is fun. They know all the hot spots and they close every happy hour. The person rarely talks about the future and is more concerned about the awesome concert next weekend than the impending deadline.
- Pros: Always a good time, often the office clown
- Cons: Not always the best worker, trying to keep up may hurt your own work, often the office clown
The Friendster- This person is the friendliest person in the office. They may have been the first person you talked to. They volunteer for everything and know everyone. Work is secondary to being part of the office community.
- Pros: They know a lot of people, easy to be friends with
- Cons: These people know a lot of gossip, can be hard to determine loyalty
The Hard-Worker - This person makes you look bad. They are the last to leave the office and never go to lunch with the group. Work is their first priority (not networking or relationships) and when they are away from work, they are stressing about work. Employers love this type of person.
- Pros: Will help you out (as long as they don’t have work), can push you to work harder
- Cons: You’re rarely their first priority, they may make you look lazy, they are not very much fun
The Settler- This person is the young female who just graduated and you were surprised to hear is married already. Or the older gentleman that is content with his current position. They seldom work overtime and never attend group activities. Family and friends are most important and keeping work and life separate is very important.
- Pros: Solid worker who can be trusted
- Cons: Doesn’t always put in the extra mile
The Drama- Does this one need an explanation? This one always has an opinion. However, they are always wronged by someone. This person is rarely content with the current state of affairs. Work is sporadic and depends on various externalities.
- Pros: Can be loyal, will fight for you
- Cons: Can wear on you
These are extremes. A medium sized office may only have one of each. However, most people fall somewhere in-between, a cocktail of various types. For example, what I call the Riser - a cross between the hard worker and friendster. They are all the extrovert of a friendster but the obsession of the hard worker. or the Burn-out - a cross between the hard worker and the partier. This person works till 10 p.m. and then closes the bar. These people fulfil their name and eventual burn themselves out.
The friends you choose will be a reflection of your own values. For most of us, it’s a combinationof all the characterstics. It all depends on what we look for in a friend- skill, loyalty, trustworthiness, and friendliness are all good examples.
What friend types do you go after? What are you?
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August 27th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Being a young, married, professional woman has absolutely nothing to do with settling in any way. I resent that you chose to use that as an example and suggest you rethink using such specifics in an example.
August 27th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I’m sorry you were offended. There is nothing inherently negative about the term “settling” but you seem to view it as negative. Why? Would you have felt better if I said young male?
Also, I am merely trying to convey the type of person that is very family oriented. Someone who isn’t that interested in making friends in the office and is content with their current friends and family. Maybe there is another term I could have used other than “settler.” I suppose it was first to come to mind.
I also state later in the post that no one is the exact to the examples I gave, but a combo of several characteristics.
One can argue to an extent getting married right out of college is settling down. It doesn’t mean you can’t also be a hard worker?
August 27th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I take offense to being told that just because I’m married that I’m going to skip out on putting in the extra mile.
Clearly you’ve never been married. Or maybe you’ve never had a long term relationship. I don’t know.
A successful marriage is much like a start up company. There are debits and credits to a newly created account. There are goals to make that demonstrate profitability — i.e. buying a house.
Because I am managing a corporation at home as well as my career — I work hard at my job and meet my deadlines so that I can make it home on time. Because I meet my deadlines, my coworkers don’t have to stay late because of me.
Besides, I’m more grounded and dependable because I have responsibility. I’m not going to show up at work hungover, or decide to skip out on life for a day. I can’t, I have a husband who depends on me. For so many single people, their job is their only committment and they easily let that go by the wayside.
Sorry, this is long, but we married people are married for a reason. Sure, I got married young — but that’s because I’m wonderful. haha
August 27th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I did not mean to offend you either Natalie.
To explain myself further for you and other people I said the “settler” is the person that married young yes. But… I did say later that almost no one is everything of one of the characteristics but are a make up of several of them.
Being married doesn’t necessarily mean you have any of the “settler” in you. I just plainly used an example from my life. I know an individual that immediately after college married and that became their life, work was way down on their priorities (and I am not judging whether this is right or wrong either). Clearly that is not you.
I hope this explains my further.
I am married also (just had our one month! yay) and I am by no means a settler, my wife and I often only see each other at bedtime. (that is the important time anyway
I’m enjoying the convo here, should help me be more careful about the words/examples I pick!
August 29th, 2008 at 4:15 am
Quite hard to draw social categories !
But I did not catch the goal of your post? What is the idea after describing categories?