Friday Office Humor: Corporate Jargon
Need a translation to typical job advertisement jargon? Here are some corporate jargon terms, translated just for you (and probably authored on a Friday).
COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don’t pay you enough to expect that you’ll dress nicely.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
MUST BE FLEXIBLE: On many occasions, you’ll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around. MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED: Female employees must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON: If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You’ll need it to replace the three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
Source: Borrowed
Have a great weekend!
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