I also wonder if this is a phenomenon only among the upper and upper-middle classes. I mean, didn’t these kids do chores? You know, laundry, dishes, Saturday morning cleaning once a month? Sheesh.

I hear ya. This trend is crazy!

When I went to my grad school open house we were told to introduce ourselves to the people around us. I introduced myself to this lady, and she says “Oh, I’m not here for the open house. I’m here with my son.”

Her son was 28. I haven’t seen him since.

One thing to consider – if this trend continues or worsens, you will actually stand out because you don’t bring your parents on your next interview.

That said… I have seen helicopter parents in action, and have been boggled by it. Yes, you want your kids to have the best chance to succeed, but to do that, they have to learn some of those hard life lessons on their own.

It’s definitely all about balance and open communication.

Ryan – good suggestion on the read. I perused Arnett’s site and he has some interesting theories. I liked his main reason for why adulthood has been pushed up and it relates well. Quote From Jeff Arnett’s Emerging Adulthood Chapter 1:

“The most important reason of all for the rise in the
typical ages of entering marriage and parenthood is less tangible than changes in sexual behavior or more years spent in college and graduate school. There has been a profound change in how young people view the meaning and value of becoming an adult and entering the adult roles of spouse and parent.”

I can see this. In the 50′s and 60′s for the most part children aspired to be like their parents. Like the Beaver’s. Now in the 90′s and 00′s we want to be like “Friends” for the rest of our life – That is good looking and carefree! There is definitely a change in what young people value out of life, and currently its Youth and Joy, not Stability and Comfort like the old days!

related – I am curious on Arnett’s opinion related to the perceived early entrance to adult hood. By that I mean the 13 year old girl that wants to act like a 20 year old at the mall? My perception is that this is a fairly new phenom (I’m young and I don’t know about teenagers in the 70′s and 80′s). Will this push the emerging adulthood stage even longer…. say from 15 – 25 years of age? Or are they just defining a new characteristic of the teenager stage?

I don’t think this is the norm at all. In the above stat there was only a max possibly 27% of students with overactive parents, and that is split with underactive parents.

Here is a study that UCLA performed that gives some figures. It looks like there to much involvement in various college related activities from 3.7% – 10.3% of college students. All of the high end numbers dealt with students decisions around going to and what college to attend, which is reasonable.

The lower numbers averaging 4.3% of students feel their parents are too involved with dealing with officials, courses, and activities at college.

http://www.gseis.ucla.edu/heri/PDFs/pubs/briefs/brief-012408-07FreshmanNorms.pdf

However, I did just waste all this time typing this comment cause I feel like these stats are inherently flawed. First they survey students. And as I stated above, the students that have helicopter parents are likely enjoying it and therefore would not report “too much” involvement. A good study would survey college officials and employers.

Also most studies state involvement varies greatly with race, white being the least involved. In addition, with a glance over of the various studies I located, they all seemed contradicting… some said it helps students, some say it hurts, and I even ran across one that says it hurts the gradewise but makes the experience better. (google: Study of Helicopter Parents)

My end conclusion… This is probably not a huge generation defining issue. But the stories are interesting.

Parents have been around the block and they have some useful advice. Its up to us to pick and choose what and what not to listen to, but at least we have that option.

Also, to the point about being “adults.” I think the term is all relative. When do you really become an adult? When you get a job? When you go to college? When you have a kid?

I don’t think there will ever be a point when I decide to say, I’m an adult now. It just happens. Do a google search on “Emerging Adulthood” or Jeffrey Arnett. It’s really interesting stuff. He says there is now a transitional life stage between adolescence and adulthood. Basically, we’re not really adults at 22 anymore.

Someone please tell me where these parents are and I’ll tell you a kid who shouldn’t get the job. I’ll take an independent worker who can stand on his own 2 feet than someone who needs a parent’s support for a real world job interview. Having a connection with your parents is great. Talking to them about your life decisions, your work, etc is a great standard to to be at, but please leave them at home.

So if you ever have kids, send them packing as soon as they’re old enough for camp!