Helicopter Parents: Taking Care of Business
In the previous post Do you know what you want to do after college, reader cboyd commented:
“I’ve seen juniors in college who still mail their laundry home and more cases of classic “helicopter parents” then I care to admit”
An issue I’m sure we have all seen. But is this the parents fault? Erica Perez of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel says most students see some hovering as fine:
More than three-quarters said their parents were involved the right amount in their dealings with college officials. About 73% said they were fine with the role their parents played in choosing their classes.
This would leave 27% of students with parents that are either uninvolved or over-involved. Some of the examples in the article are astounding:
A recruiter with a large bank told Kestner that a parent wanted to observe his college student’s interview and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Another recruiter said a parent had called to find out specifics on why a Marquette student hadn’t gotten a job.
Wow. Do any of you know a parent this extreme? I don’t, if you do, please share with us! I knew this was a problem during college, but is this an issue for generation Y in the workplace? According to USA Today it may be a problem.
At Hewlett-Packard, parents have gone as far as contacting the company after their child gets a job offer. They want to talk about their son’s or daughter’s salary, relocation packages and scholarship programs. “Parents are contacting us directly,” says Betty Smith, a university recruiting manager at HP. “This generation is not embarrassed by it. They’re asking for parents’ involvement.”
I am not sure about you, but I am sorta embarrassed. I always prided myself on doing stuff myself, on top of that, I stand up for Generation Y all the time saying “we are not a nanny generation.” Looks like I may be a liar.
“Psychologically, it’s somewhat eroding. When an employer is hiring someone, they’re hiring an adult for an adult job, and then they have to deal with a parent,” says Charles Wardell in New York, the managing director and head of the northeast region at Korn/Ferry. “There comes a time when you’ve prepared children, and you need to let go.”
I was going to finish this post by brainstorming idea’s for dealing with your helicopter parents. But I realized, if you have helicopter parents, chances are, you’re part of the issue.
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I love my parents, but as soon as I started college I almost never called them. I’d go three weeks with calling, and they’d usually have to call me. I relished the independence.
Ugh… that’s awful.
60 Minutes did a story about this a while back ago. Parents are calling bosses to find out why their child got a bad review at work. Supposedly, our generation is quite unique in that most of us never had a job in high school and were praised highly even if we came in fourth place. Essentially, our parents are helicopter parents and have yet to stop because our generation isn’t ready to be out in the real world.
I personally don’t know anyone like that.
I went to summer camp every summer as a kid. When I was in high school, I was a summer camp counselor. These experiences were great for adjusting to “adult-mode” and learning to be self-sufficient.
So if you ever have kids, send them packing as soon as they’re old enough for camp!
I wonder if this stuff is even true. I think that it makes a good story and that this may be a matter of the exceptions get a lot of press. Just because one parent calls HP–or even a few do–doesn’t meant that everyone’s mommy is doing this. I have a 20 year-old daughter with whom I’m close, but she would never want, nor would I ever give this kind of “support.” I’d like to see serious stats on this, rather than anecdotal BS.
Yea, I’ve said it before on other posts and forums, where are these parents? It might just be a big city thing (NYC, Wash DC, etc) but here in Florida, we get jobs for ourselves and work our way to the top, even if we think we deserve more, faster.
Someone please tell me where these parents are and I’ll tell you a kid who shouldn’t get the job. I’ll take an independent worker who can stand on his own 2 feet than someone who needs a parent’s support for a real world job interview. Having a connection with your parents is great. Talking to them about your life decisions, your work, etc is a great standard to to be at, but please leave them at home.
Helicopter parents are totally over sensationalized. Over protective parents are not the norm, I have yet to see anything like the stories mentioned. That being said, parents are more involved in their kids lives then ever before, and I think that’s a good thing.
Parents have been around the block and they have some useful advice. Its up to us to pick and choose what and what not to listen to, but at least we have that option.
Also, to the point about being “adults.” I think the term is all relative. When do you really become an adult? When you get a job? When you go to college? When you have a kid?
I don’t think there will ever be a point when I decide to say, I’m an adult now. It just happens. Do a google search on “Emerging Adulthood” or Jeffrey Arnett. It’s really interesting stuff. He says there is now a transitional life stage between adolescence and adulthood. Basically, we’re not really adults at 22 anymore.
Thanks everyone for your comments you all have some good points. I would like to address the sensationalism that a few of you have mentioned.
I don’t think this is the norm at all. In the above stat there was only a max possibly 27% of students with overactive parents, and that is split with underactive parents.
Here is a study that UCLA performed that gives some figures. It looks like there to much involvement in various college related activities from 3.7% – 10.3% of college students. All of the high end numbers dealt with students decisions around going to and what college to attend, which is reasonable.
The lower numbers averaging 4.3% of students feel their parents are too involved with dealing with officials, courses, and activities at college.
http://www.gseis.ucla.edu/heri/PDFs/pubs/briefs/brief-012408-07FreshmanNorms.pdf
However, I did just waste all this time typing this comment cause I feel like these stats are inherently flawed. First they survey students. And as I stated above, the students that have helicopter parents are likely enjoying it and therefore would not report “too much” involvement. A good study would survey college officials and employers.
Also most studies state involvement varies greatly with race, white being the least involved. In addition, with a glance over of the various studies I located, they all seemed contradicting… some said it helps students, some say it hurts, and I even ran across one that says it hurts the gradewise but makes the experience better. (google: Study of Helicopter Parents)
My end conclusion… This is probably not a huge generation defining issue. But the stories are interesting.
On a second note:
Ryan – good suggestion on the read. I perused Arnett’s site and he has some interesting theories. I liked his main reason for why adulthood has been pushed up and it relates well. Quote From Jeff Arnett’s Emerging Adulthood Chapter 1:
“The most important reason of all for the rise in the
typical ages of entering marriage and parenthood is less tangible than changes in sexual behavior or more years spent in college and graduate school. There has been a profound change in how young people view the meaning and value of becoming an adult and entering the adult roles of spouse and parent.”
I can see this. In the 50′s and 60′s for the most part children aspired to be like their parents. Like the Beaver’s. Now in the 90′s and 00′s we want to be like “Friends” for the rest of our life – That is good looking and carefree! There is definitely a change in what young people value out of life, and currently its Youth and Joy, not Stability and Comfort like the old days!
related – I am curious on Arnett’s opinion related to the perceived early entrance to adult hood. By that I mean the 13 year old girl that wants to act like a 20 year old at the mall? My perception is that this is a fairly new phenom (I’m young and I don’t know about teenagers in the 70′s and 80′s). Will this push the emerging adulthood stage even longer…. say from 15 – 25 years of age? Or are they just defining a new characteristic of the teenager stage?
I’m at the total opposite end of “helicopter parents”. I’m now 22, but since I was 18 I’ve been out on my own, handling everything without my parents (financially, major life decisions and purchases, school-wise, etc.) — and I honestly wouldn’t change that. Yes, worst case scenario, my mom would always let me move back in (my sister, now 20, still lives with her, is getting help with school, etc.)… but even when things were difficult, I’m glad I never took that option.
That said… I have seen helicopter parents in action, and have been boggled by it. Yes, you want your kids to have the best chance to succeed, but to do that, they have to learn some of those hard life lessons on their own.
It’s definitely all about balance and open communication.
Brandon,
I hear ya. This trend is crazy!
When I went to my grad school open house we were told to introduce ourselves to the people around us. I introduced myself to this lady, and she says “Oh, I’m not here for the open house. I’m here with my son.”
Her son was 28. I haven’t seen him since.
One thing to consider – if this trend continues or worsens, you will actually stand out because you don’t bring your parents on your next interview.
You know, I have to wonder if this is a case where the few cases are so outlandish that they speak louder than all the instances wherein no parent calls. For example, where’s the article about how my parents didn’t call my corporation when I interviewed and got the position?
I also wonder if this is a phenomenon only among the upper and upper-middle classes. I mean, didn’t these kids do chores? You know, laundry, dishes, Saturday morning cleaning once a month? Sheesh.
I’m relatively new to higher ed, but my colleagues have told me that parental involvement has increased during the time they’ve been here. I don’t even mind parental involvement as much as parents calling/visiting my office instead of their student doing so or – this has happened twice in the last week or so – a parent’s secretary or personal assistant calling me for information.